They should have told me: An ordinary Zimbabwean husband and father’s lived experience

I have been away for a minute, and most of it has been due to the way things have been going in my life. It’s been a bumpy road since August 2023 when all the misfortunes of the world decided to converge at my door step (at least that’s what it feels like)

These past few months are basically the kind of life I have lived since I became an adult, albeit on steroids. My journey as a husband, and subsequently a father, has never been a bed of roses. It has always been sprinkled with pain every now and then. This time however, it’s pain pro max.

After my life crumbled in August of 2023, I have done everything I could to mend the damage. I was without an income for nearly six months despite all my efforts. I have gone through various stages of pain, humiliation and despair. I have considered quitting on a lot of occasions but somehow I have managed to push on.

I have had people who have stood with me and encouraged me not to give up in the process. Most of those are people I have never met in person, only on social media. They have offered me words of encouragement and prayed for me when I was at my lowest. Some have also helped me financially and materially.

I am so grateful to have met these beautiful people who have cared for me as if I were a long time friend.

Eventually I did find a job mid January 2024. For once in a long time I saw light at the end of the tunnel. Having just received my first full salary just a few days ago, I now realise that it was not light at the end of the tunnel. It might just have been a firefly going on with its life. I am not even sure if I am in a tunnel anymore. It feels like an abyss.

I have debts that I made last year to try and keep up with my living expenses that are bearing their teeth. I have a daughter who needs school fees. I also need money for my transport because where I work sometimes we knock off late. The company closes its doors at 10pm, and if I’m in the evening shift it means I have to pay someone to take me home safely. This means I have to fork out about 5times the normal fare.

The business we ran also left us with a huge amount of debt after its rather abrupt crash. The creditors need their pound of flesh as well.

I thought when I found employment, I was going to be able to set aside some money for my wife to start a side hustle to augment my salary because the salary can’t take us anywhere.

You see, I live in a country with a non-performing economy. I don’t even bother checking the official inflation rates because they are wildly inaccurate.

Recently the government introduced taxes on almost everything and as a result, the cost of living shot up. The price of everything shot up…

…everything except salaries.

Now because everything is bad, even the people I owe are finding it difficult to bear with me. They also need their money so they can try and make their side of things work. Things have gotten significantly worse than when I wasn’t employed. Most of the times my family only has one meal a day. I feel for the kids, they are way too young to be going through this. The eldest is only 4, and everyday I look at them my heart breaks. I am used to spending the whole day drinking water, but the two guys are innocent.

I have on a number of occasions considered checking out, but I can’t. I have a family. Who will take care of them? So I just try and carry it all and keep it pushing. I have had numerous private breakdowns but I always try to pick myself up. What scares me though is that every time I pick myself up, it becomes a bit more difficult than the previous time.

I don’t know how much more I can take but I have no choice. I am a husband. I have to provide and protect my wife in all aspects. I have to cushion her as much as I can from the blows this life is throwing.

I am also a father. It’s my job to provide for the kids till my last drop of blood and my very last breath. It’s the least I can do for them.

Now you see why I am saying I’m not sure if I am even in a tunnel?

They never told me. They should have told me. They let me grow up and start a family without telling me. The elders must have forgotten to tell me.

I used to see my dad with his feet on the coffee table reading a newspaper after coming from work. I wanted that.

He used to buy us drinks and biscuits on weekends and we would have a braii/barbecue every month end. I wanted that.

He used to buy mum new clothes, giver her money to do her hair and nails regularly. I wanted that.

He used to buy us personal copies of all the text books we used at school so we could revise at home. I wanted that.

Mum used to give him the biggest and best portions of meat. I WANTED THAT!

But they never told me.

The elders must have forgotten to tell me.

They never told me that I would have to work long hours and get paid peanuts. They never told me that the country will decline to the point where you can’t even buy your kids a packet of biscuits on month end. They never told me that my wife would have to cut her hair, not because she loves short hair; but because she has to choose between hair and paying rent. They never told me that I would fail to pay just the tuition fee for ONE child.

Heck, they never told me that in order to get the biggest pieces of meat on the plate, I have to afford it first.

DEUCES