My Mental Health Journey: And So It Began

Over the past few weeks I have been reflecting on how the past 12 or so months have been like to me. Most the pondering has been on my mental state. For anyone who has followed my blog and my posts on X, you will attest to the fact that the things I post about now are more of rants and frustrations. With this in mind, and given that this month is Men’s Mental Health Awareness month; I have decided to write a series of posts about men’s mental health based on my experiences. My hope is to help anyone who reads these posts to have a glimpse into the life and struggles of surviving the pressures of manhood.

 

I have been struggling with my mental health for roughly a year now. I have gone through an array of emotions, some of which I never knew existed. I have been at the brink of ending it all a number of times. I won’t claim to have won the fight as yet, but I have won some battles. I am still a long way from where I need to be, but I have made some progress, and I hope this will encourage someone who thinks there is no hope.

 

The beginning of such stories is sometimes difficult because you can’t point to a specific event as the beginning. I think that my story began around November 2022, though it started being a bit visible to me around May 2023. I remember ending the year 2022 frustrated. It had been a rough year which left me heavily bruised.

 

My struggles were rooted in my financial inability to be the provider my family needed. I ended the year so tired that I resolved to spend the first month of 2023 just trying to recover. I remember telling people that my New Year was going to start a month or two into the year because I wasn’t ready.

 

Back then I used to come home stressed almost on a daily basis. The burden of a work environment that was becoming increasingly stressful was becoming insane. The workload was increasing every week but the remuneration and working condition were deteriorating. That is the curse of living in a country with rampant corruption and a non-performing economy. No one cares how companies treat employees. The trade unions and NECs are generally useless. This coupled with an unstable economy made it very easy for employers to mistreat employees. To add salt to the wound, I had been going over and above the call of duty and used my personal resources for company business yet it seemed I never did enough in the eyes of my superiors. I did what every MAN in my position could do, suck it up and keep it pushing.

 

Now that I think about it, it could be the start of my struggles. I had a family to feed, so I just took it all in my stride. I started feeling tired more often and my blood pressure shot up to scary levels. I didn’t think I had any other options, I was raised to find a job and take care of the family. I had expectations because I am the first born, and I also married a first born. I had to be exemplary to my siblings. I needed to grow my shoulders so that they could carry everyone I am responsible for.

 

I think when I look back at all this, I should have realised earlier that this was the beginning of a long battle for survival. The main lesson here is to sweat the little things because when pebbles move, landslides follow. It’s importantly to be aware of your environment and how it affects you. Inasmuch as we have to be resilient as men, we also need to be wary of the factors that negatively affect us.

 

We need to develop healthy coping mechanisms early. I believe that some of the situations that send men to early graves can be avoided if we realise the early signs of stress and anxiety. I thought I was just tired from working hard until it was too late. I drank energy drinks in unbelievably large amounts, but that didn’t help, it damaged my health instead.

And everything went downhill from there.

 

Again I encourage every man, pay attention to the little things. It’s normally how the downward spiral starts…

 

…or at least in my experience.

 

I will end it here for now.

 

Till the next one,

 

DEUCES